Fundamental Differences

Pleaser [pleez-err] - noun - Pleasers are people who want to keep everyone in their lives happy. They want everyone to like them, get along with them, and most importantly, praise them. Because of this difficult trait in their character, they often get dragged into and through unseemly situations. 

Take me for instance - mmm, about 5 years ago, give or take a year. Meet Noor, college student, workaholic, health nut, and...drumroll please...yes, ladies and gentlemen, Pleaser. I used to do a few things rather excessively back then: apologize for no reason, take the fall for other people, go completely out of my way for friends (which is fine) and non-friends (not so fine), ponder the meaning of things people said to me, resuscitate relationships that someone needed to call a time-of-death for. A difficult existence indeed. 

Let me tell all you Pleasers out there - It Is Not Worth It. Every time I was disappointed after demonstrating my Pleasing Character, I thought of words like dishrag, area rug, dirty washcloth, leftover lunch, to describe the way I thought I had been treated. What I didn't realize was that I caused that treatment to be extended towards me by offering myself as a bali ka bakra (sacrificial goat) in my desperate endeavor to be The Best Pleaser That Ever Existed. In short, (ironically) I had been the catalyst for my disgrace, or more simply, I asked for it.

Now for the fun part. 

At some point during those Formidable Years, the Pleaser-Hater in me rebelled. Now, envision Noor in a split-personality scene from a B-class horror flick. Noor standing in front of the mirror says, "But I must do xyz to please abc or my world as I know it will cease to exist!" Noor's reflection physically reaches out from the mirror, takes hold of her collar and shakes her. Incensed, Noor has the good sense to remain silent. Noor's reflection smiles evilly and says, "You listen to me, young lady" - no that doesn't sound evil, does it? Scratch that. The reflection says, "They don't deserve you. You must not please anymore. Come over to the dark side. Coooommmeee oooovvverrrr to the daaaarrrkkkk siiiiiidddeeeeeee!"

Well, that's not exactly how it happened, but it's the more entertaining version anyway. Clearly, I was not meant to carry the family torch when it comes to the entertainment business (some of you will get this).

And so, The New Noor emerged. I like this version. Noor 2.0, if you will, does not care about anyone except those who care about her. Nice upgrade. This version has also learned how to say the all-important NO. Among other attributes, The New Noor does not smile-and-nod if someone pisses her off. No, sirree. Please, if you are reading this, whoever you are, and you are thinking of saying something to me that you shouldn't, a word of caution: Don't Do It. You see, there is an art to what I call "the grand insult," and I have proudly mastered it. If you dish it out, please be prepared to stomach it ten times over. There are no languishing friendships in my bank. Those stocks are sold, baby. Traded, gone, and consider all of them to be profitable transactions. I don't try to "save" relationships anymore. In fact, I think it is much more useful to get out and shut the door on people who simply don't deserve you, your time, your energy, your love, your friendship, your thoughts, and your feelings. It is such a freeing experience. "You are not worth my time. Good bye." Or "Life is short. This isn't working out because you are selfish and annoying. Good day." Or The Golden Silence.  

Listen to me, Pleasers of the world. I have been there - on the very top of the ladder, in fact (I would have been crowned the Queen of Pleasers if there had been such a thing as Pleaser Acknowledgment). Distance yourselves! Just become silent and walk away. You will thank yourself later. Stop the fanatic cycle of reviving old hurts, and embrace those who value you. Collect your energy and spend it on those who matter. Shun those who don't.

The New Noor aka Noor 2.0 signing off.